Dear classmate,

First of all, I did NOT miss "everything". I was there for what I could absorb, and I stepped out early to print out notes for the lecture and to get some new pens. I couldn't do much in the class itself because my pens were all dry. I doubt I missed much of anything. What could I miss about walking around looking at microscopes? The professor himself said it was a short class.

Second of all, YOU were LATE. I didn't see you there at ALL until after class, which means you showed up after I left. I think you have no right to give me sass if you can't be bothered to show up on time.

Much irritation,
Your classmate.

Dear very fucking annoying group of MA students,

I made that sign for World Aids Day. I printed it. And I stuck it on my box/outfit. Why on earth did you think it was okay to just RIP it off my box without asking and stick it to yourselves?! I agree, it DID look good, but I didn't spend time and money making and printing it for you lot to steal!

Also, bitching about me behind my back because I refused to give you the sign again? Not cool guys. What are we, 10 year olds?


And don't even think about trying to take over making the archive footage we have to submit. I WILL wipe the floor with you again like I did in Covent Garden.

Unimpressed,
The Pink Haired Bitch

backpacking
Want to embrace your wanderlust on the cheap? If you're high on adventurous spirit, but low on funds, this community can help you plan a trip to anywhere. Offering plentiful tips on how to travel light, you can post about inexpensive hotels and youth hostels if you're into urban exploration or discuss camping gear and mosquito netting for the great outdoors. Hitch your backpack, pitch your tent, and carpe diem!

You're awesome except for one habit. Please quit commenting on what you perceive to be the sexual suggestiveness of other women's clothes, speech, mannerisms, existence. I don't do that to you because I would feel like I was disrespecting our relationship. If you want to sexualize passersby, share it with your guy friends. Or let's both talk about momentary attractions. Or let's modify our relationship. But don't mindfuck me.

Love,

Bi-but-Monogamous Me

I know you thought you were being helpful by sorting out the animals whilst I finished work at the bar because then I could go straight to sleep.

Only I can't sleep straight after work. That little ritual of let the dogs out, let the bunnies out, sweep up the bunny mess, give bunnies hay and veggies and play with the dogs is what calms me down and stops the buzzing so that I can sleep.

But thanks anyway. You're sweet.

Loads of love,

(a very wide awake) Me.

Xxx

Dear Women,

If you're too lazy or ignorant to notice that the toilet seat is up, and do something about it, then you deserve to fall in. If you want equal rights, stop putting it on men to do everything for you, and start wiping your own ass. Excuse the pun.

Love,
Men's Lib Activist

There is a cardboard cut-out of Edward Cullen in one of the shower stalls. There's a sign on him that says "I've been waiting for you~". I nearly had a heart attack when I saw him. It is at the same time both incredibly creepy and incredibly awesome.

Dear people who wake me up at least twice a week,


11:00 PM is never a good time to phone the room. I do not appreciate having to get up and check the caller ID only to find that it's one of my roommate's relatives and crawl back into bed without picking up. "Nice" stopped an hour ago.

Likewise, it is not a good time to run, laughing and shouting, down the hallway. It echoes. I can hear you, and I don't know who you are - but don't make me bring my Crazy Lady costume from last Hallowe'en with me next week, because I will use it. I will stand in the middle of the hallway and threaten you with a fuzzy T-Rex. (He doesn't approve of the noise-making, either.)

~Me.

bookfails
Planning to do your part to help boost the declining publishing industry this holiday? Better check here first. Sure, there are plenty of folks who post glowing reviews of their favorite books. But what about the epic fails? Compose and/or discuss snarky, incisive critiques on the books you despise most.

foundphotos
Ever stumble across a frayed photo in your grandmother's attic? How about a faded picture tucked in the sleeve of an old novel at a used book sale? This is the place to post them. An amazing, eclectic collection of photographs sure to delight anyone with a penchant for history or nostalgic memorabilia.

note_to_cat
Having trouble conveying the concept of accountability to your cat? Now you can share letters to your significant felines and give public witness to your declarations of love and domestic negotiations. Whether you want to publish an apology for falling short on your cat-nip obligations or you need to raise a delicate hygiene issue.

Dear Momma,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I love you bunches and bunches. You're one of my favorite people ever. Thank you so much for being such an awesome person. Have a wonderful day!

Dear beeping noise,

I KNOW the phone lines have been down since 3 a.m. It's FIXED now! So STOP BEEPING!!!
Plus, why the hell do you need an effing password to silence the beeping? there's a girl who woke up because of the beeping. I've been listening to music my whole shift so that I won't hear it when I go to sleep. I hope I won't. I'm so glad I live really far away from the lobby. :/

No love, absolutely none,

-S

Dear DMV,

If you had just passed me the first time I took my driving test I wouldn't have to hassle with you. It is looking like i won't be able to take my test again until after December. What the hell?!?!

Frustrated,

-S

Dear S,

So...if you want to do the casual dating thing...please tell me that. I'm totally okay with that. It's fine. But don't just leave me hanging with no explanation when you shamelessly flirt with me on random occasions.

-S

Dear J,

Oy. Either show me that you are just interested in being friends, or stop being so flirty when we're in person!

-S

Dear boys in general,

K, so I know I used to wish that guys would kind of fawn over me, and half the time I enjoy it, but half the time it gets really annoying...lay off a little, please?

-S

Dear Ass,

I don't particularly care when people make epileptic jokes. It's just silly, but when I'm flying next to someone who says, "I hope no one has epilepsy. I don't want the plane to go down." I want to hit you.


xoxo
An Epileptic

Dear Family

Don't make me shank you.

I come back from my walk, the one I didn't NEED TO TAKE AND THAT SOMEONE ELSE COULD'VE TAKEN THE DOG BECAUSE HE'S THE FAMILY'S DOG AND I SEEM TO DO EVERYTHING BUT PICK UP HIS SHIT FOR HIM, I'm not going to be pleasant. Expect me to be unhappy and cranky and miserable. It's how I feel. Especially when it's so goddamn cold out.

So NO. NO I AM NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY. I am not going to be pleasant. And I am certainly not going to care what you think about it.

Are you going to threaten to take the computer away? Do it. Go right the fuck ahead.

Angry Angry Hippo
~The Dutchess

Dear Mom's Friend Kelly and Daughter Kya,
Please leave my house, you are annoying, you have entirely too much energy at 7 am and I am sick of waking up to your mother yelling at you for being a brat. Screaming doesn't get you anything so can you please shut up and crying doesn't help either. Not only are you annoying me but you are annoying my boyfriend to the point where he hates you, and he doesn't hate anyone. Please stop commenting on what my mom cooks for dinner or anything else she wants to do considering you do not live here! If you don't like it you can leave, you have a house, go there and leave us alone, no one likes you.

Dear coldsores,

SERIOUSLY?

It's less than a week to my birthday, and you decide NOW is a good time to pop up?! You need to GO, so I can kiss my man when he comes down for said birthday! And lipbalm? Where are you?! You know I need you to keep my lips all moisturised whilst I can't lick them! So you decided to be elusive and vanish too?

What did I do in a past life, eat newborn babies or something?!

Really, really, really unimpressed,
Poor art student
P.S: Sniffles? Don't you fucking DARE turn into a full blown cold by like, Monday! ¬__¬

Dear B--

Listen, I know we're good friends, but you're annoying the crap out of me lately...
When I go to the back room with my friend that's a girl, and we close the door...that means we're having a private girl talk conversation that I don't want the whole class to hear...

Do not be a fucking creep, opening the door every five to ten minutes trying to listen in on our conversation.
Why the hell did you even walk in, and make things awkward for all of us for a few minutes?

You know the saying, I was thinking "This is an A/B conversation you can C your way out," when you opened the door TWICE!

Another thing...when I'm talking to my infatuation J, please don't butt into our conversation. It doesn't concern you there either. Why are you being so fucking annoying and jealous?

We're never gonna happen! So you don't gotta be jealous of who I talk to, or find out what we were talking about because it's none of your damn business whether or not we were talking about you.

I'm >< that close to not being your friend anymore if you pull this shit again!

I am so glad I was finally able to have some alone time with my crush without you being there invading our conversations every time for once. I thought it was funny that the whole class ditched the day before Thanks giving, except for me, him, and our other friend that I actually like talking to. Class should be like this always. I didn't think that would happen so we could all talk privately without you being all nosey.

Omg!
get over it,
me

Dear random guys at club--

Do not f'ing stare at me up and down..there is no chance you're dancing with me, let alone taking me home. Do not fucking slap my ass again or I'll break your arm.

Fat chance,
me

Dear K--

Can you please stop with the rumors? That shit happened in 2007. Neither of us are even talking to your ex anymore for a long time and you're still talking about me...yet you write on your statuses saying I need to get a life when you're so obsessed with blogging about my sex life still, lmao. You might want to re-evaluate who needs to get a life...also...when you write on those Social Interview questions that all the boys want you, who are you talking about? Every guy that I know that knows you says you're a creepy stalking psycho bitch. Must be trashy guys that want you because I know no decent guy would even take one glance at you! You are so fug and I find it hilarious how you think you're "the hottest bitch in the club" as the songs say, lol.

Damn, you're so ignorant.
Open your eyes, everyone's pretending to like you for the sake of less drama. Step down your pedestal nasty bitch.

definitely no love,
me