An ex-crush of mine once said to me, "Everything's a conspiracy with you."

I'm going to prove his point. I present to you now, Shawna's Newest Conspiracy Theory Extravaganza: Voodoo In The White House!

When the Clintons were in power, they passed a law declaring that when the wisdom teeth were removed, they had to be "disposed" of as biowaste.

Now, my dentist told me that the teeth, when removed, are "Placed in a specific BOX, with a specific LOGO, which is then picked up by a specific MAN, whose specific DUTY it is to take said box to a specific PLACE, which the dentist was unsure of. Later, the dentist receives a piece of PAPER proving that the tooth has been TAKEN CARE OF." Let's assume, for the sake of conspiracy, that these teeth are taken to the White House.

Now, in the old days, it was commonly beleived that if you had part of someone's body, say, a figernail or a TOOTH, you could control their beleifs and actions (For further reading on this subject, please consult Terry Pratchett's book, "The Hogfather", available at your local library). Plausibly, all these teeth could be used to control the voting masses.

All right, now the Clintons were Democrats. In the next coming election, which candidate won the popular vote? Democrat Al Gore. HOWEVER, thanks to the beuty of the Electoral College, they weren't grouped together enough to provide the proper electoral votes to get him the Presidency, resulting in our current President Bush, a Republican. 

But now Bush has the teeth, and in his second bid for election, who won the popular vote? GEORGE BUSH, despite the fact that he was in disfavor with 57% of the American populace at the time. Why? Because he became president at the oppertune time when at least one year of pulled teeth were stored and magicked under his control, and the said bill kept even more voting teeth coming in until he had at least five years worth of voters under his sway. All they had to do was voodoo the teeth, and say VOTE REPUBLICAN. (This would also explain why Bush has yet to be impeached, and can pretty much do whatever the hell he pleases.)

That's my new conspiracy. Voodoo in the White House. Doesn't it make sense? That's why I wanted my tooth, but my family is so sensitive to most medecines that they didn't even have to count backwards to get me to pass out under the anesthesia. I was out like a broken light. Looks like I'll be voting Republican this year. (Fun fact: I'm turning 18 the day of the election! Isn't that a kick-axolotle birthday present?! Happy Birthday, pick a leader! I mean, now that the Republicans have my tooth, it might not be so cool, but they only have one tooth, thanks to the glory of my momma, from whom I inherited some freakish mutation that makes it so I'm missing teeth. I was lucky enough to be missing my wisdom teeth, and the rest of my teeth are perfect. Never needed braces. *breaks into egotistical dancing* I love my body. That will be the subject of my next post. Why I love my body. Anyway, they have one tooth, and since it was impacted, it's a broken tooth, so maybe it won't be quite so effective on me. If not... well, the internet will yeild me anti-mind control spells.)